NO MISTAKES IN LIFE….
While Chetan Bhagat writes a book about the 3 mistakes of his life – I choose to write and believe there are no mistakes in life…only lessons and experiences! It may sound very bashful, egoistic and like a justification for everything I have done ‘wrong’ – in eyes of others (society, individuals etc). And yet risking all those judgements I wish to share my two bits – however it may sound to everyone.
From the time we grow up, we are taught what to do and not to do – and every time we break that rule it is a ‘mistake’. We are made to feel bad, guilty and beat ourselves up remembering those incidents.(as kids maybe our parents beat us up too – and as we grow we do it to ourselves!) We resolve never to make those mistakes – and its good. From a society standpoint, for a civilized society to function and work we need these rules and these ‘mistake’ labels to ensure everyone doesn’t do what he/she pleases, esp. when it harms others. Mistakes are followed by punishments – given to us by parents, teachers, those in authority, and also supposedly by GOD (in the name of Karma!)
However as a therapist (hypnotherapy, past life regression therapy) and as I study more and more spiritual books, understand past lives and present life issues, the more I feel convinced there are no mistakes! We come on this planet to experience both sides of all emotions – to experience duality. Duality HAS TO HAVE a good and a bad! As souls, for each positive experience, we also need to experience the negative – to get a balanced, objective experience and to evolve and grow beyond these dualities. So if I cause pain, I also need to experience pain, and if I enjoy prosperity I will need to experience deprivation. Without one, the experience of other is meaningless. (if we don’t know what is dark, we can never know what is light!). This is also the basis of our karma theory – not as a revengeful negative philosophy (if you kill in this birth u will be killed by that person in next birth!) but more as lessons in duality – duality of emotions, experiences, feelings, states of beings.
Going by this logic and understanding and when I deal with clients, I try and explain to them to not beat themselves up about their ‘mistakes’ but use those as experiences to learn, unlearn, relearn whatever they had to. When one is a victim of a mistake it’s a bit easier – you get sympathy, you get support and you are allowed to grieve and cry and pity yourself. But when your ‘mistakes’ have caused pain or suffering to others or near and dear ones, it becomes tricky and tough to move on, to treat that mistake as an experience. You will be labelled as justifying your mistake, you will be labelled as insensitive, and you can t even cry, feel sorry for yourself (since those you have victimized enjoy that privilege). As a perpetrator one needs much more therapy than as a victim!
As a victim (or being at receiving end of someone’s mistakes) there is lots to learn – its good to ask yourself “why did I attract such a situation?”, or “what is it that I can learn from this experience?”, “what is that person trying to teach me (unknowingly)?” There is always the lessons of letting go, forgiveness, moving forward, being positive, being smart, alert etc that one can learn from being victims – and using them to move forward in a positive way without holding grudges or hatred for the other person whose action made you learn these lessons. From a spiritual standpoint, those who cause the most pain to you could in all probability be your soul-mates – who have decided and agreed with you to help you learn a few lessons in this life…once you leave your physical body and its identity and ego, you can see every mistake and every pain as an experience and learning – given to you by your soul group members!
As a perpetrator there is lots to learn as well. The most important part is humility and the ability to recognize the action that caused that hurt/pain. It is also very important to forgive yourself first – accepting that being human is about making these ‘mistakes’ which are actually lessons you have come to learn. Beating yourself up for something that has already happened serves no good – to either you or the person you have hurt. As it is there would be enough people around you to make you feel guilty and ashamed. Its best to treat it as one of your life lessons and experiences, find out what you have learnt from it order to move forward positively. If you have hurt someone, its best to first accept it within yourself, internalize that fact and then accept it to the other person. However, having that person or society/family/others decide your ‘punishment’ or lessons won’t help – it HAS to come from you and you only! You are the best person to know what you did wrong, why and how it has changed you. How can you use that learning to ensure in future you can avoid more hurt to yourself and others? Despite all the ‘mistakes’ and wrongdoings, if you can still hold your dignity, humility and self respect, it’s the icing on the cake…it’s the path to a more positive future!
I am not an authority on moral, social or criminal matters and wrongdoings. I am sharing my experience as a human being and as a therapist. My views on this are solely my own and not influenced by anyone except my own experiences. I also may or may not have had a different view if I had been a victim of a murder or a brutal rape or abuse….-– I do not know…. I may be totally wrong or totally right – however if only this makes each one of us think twice before judging others and ourselves, it will make our life a wee bit easier, simpler and smoother!
This doesn’t of course mean one can get away with murder and say it was a learning experience ….! This understanding is NOT meant to be used as a weapon to cause hurt and pain to others – here the Universal Principles of Truth, Goodness and Compassion apply
Ririi G Trivedi